There is nothing to report.

I believe the sun should never set upon an argument
I believe we place our happiness in other people's hands
I believe that junk food tastes so good because it's bad for you
I believe your parents did the best job they knew how to do
I believe that beauty magazines promote low self-esteem
I believe I'm loved when I'm completely by myself alone

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love til you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

I believe you can't control or choose your sexuality
I believe that trust is more important than monogamy
I believe your most attractive features are your heart and soul
I believe that family is worth more than money or gold
I believe the struggle for financial freedom is unfair
I believe the only ones who disagree are millionaires

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love til you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

I believe forgiveness is the key to your unhappiness
I believe that wedded bliss negates the need to be undressed
I believe that God does not endorse TV evangelists
I believe in love surviving death into eternity

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love til you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye
Until you say goodbye

Today my little peanut of a cat, Preston, grew some balls and learned how to initiate epic cat battles with my monster of a cat, Bentley.

Before Today, Preston has been the "roll over on back and scream bloody murder" type.
I don't blame him, usually - Preston is 6lbs to Bentley's 13lbs.

While I am glad that he grew some cajones, I would have been happier if it hadn't been at 2am. And now, five hours later, the battles continue.

So what we have on our hands today is two rambunctious felines and a very tired Jennieface.

With just a spark of motivation, I slid carefully into a new diet today. It's mostly the exercise part and less of the diet part, because dieting drives me mad and I've been pretty okay about eating lately.

I put on a new workout video and it kicked my ass. It's not only about being overweight, now, but my body is out of shape and TIRED. My muscles ache and my chest aches and I'm struggling to keep up after 15 minutes or so. It's really sad.

I've been walking more. I'll keep that up. A few years ago I could not keep up with Ryan - Now it is he that cannot keep up with me. There's something nice about being a few steps ahead, it makes me feel like I haven't completely destroyed my health.

So I've got quite a few lbs to lose, but I've managed not to gain, so from my highest weight ever ever ever, I am still down 140lbs.

Things have been busy, there's no denying it. I've been taking more work on than I should be reasonably trying to handle - And probably not getting enough sleep for my own good. While I have cranky moments, I have no real complaints - Things aren't bad right now.

But last night, one of my friends sort of woke me up to something.

tornpaperhearts: 13 more hours of work today =)
jawbox: light day?

Though not exactly true - Sunday is actually the hardest day of my week because Monday morning calls for me to have 71 articles written (34,500 words) - It did make me wonder if maybe I need to stop working so hard.

I've been feeling motivated to really get my life together lately. I think it's about time I rearrange my priorities so I can start working on projects that pay me what I am worth, and stop struggling with projects that cause me to lose sleep without rewarding me in any sensible way. Don't you agree?

Quite a few years ago, I felt the need to make my Live Journal friends-only because I was being harassed by people I did not feel comfortable sharing the details of my life with. I hoped that this would not become a common theme, but such is the nature of the internet. And what I've learned is that if I focus on whether or not I need to be private here on Live Journal, I think it actually makes things worse. Through the years, (I have been in this journal since 2003, but on the site since 2001), there have been a number of instances where people used my Live Journal against me, or to get at me, and each time I retreated into friends-only mode and hoped for the drama to subside.

The most recent attack, I realize was not meant to be malicious, but a new friend used friends-only post information against me in another community. It made me realize that being friends-only is not keeping me safe from trolls and assholes, it's really only prolonging the inevitable.

But should I really care that there are jerks on the internet, or is it time to stop hiding and start enjoying the finer things about LiveJournal, and all of the neat people that I have met through the years? I think it is time to come out of the woodwork and start keeping a public journal again.

The last month or so has been a serious period of thought and reflection for me. I think it is time to make some changes in my life, some improvements.

One of those improvements is that I am going to stop being so serious, and start enjoying myself a little more.

And the world is made of energy
And the world is electricity
And the world is made of energy
And there's a light inside of you
and there's a light inside of me

And the world is made of energy
And the world is synchronicity
And the world is made of energy
And there's a light inside of you
And there's a light inside of me

It's gonna be alright
It's gonna be alright ah huh yeah
We're gonna see sunlight
We're gonna see the sunlight ah huh yeah

And the world is made of energy
And the world is possibility
And the world is made of energy
And there's a light inside of you
And there's a light inside of me

It's gonna be alright
It's gonna be alright ah huh yeah
We're gonna see the sunlight
We're gonna see the sunlight ah huh yeah

[Free download from Amazon music this week, along with like 499 other songs.]

she thinks she missed the train to mars, she's out back counting stars

she's not at work, she's not at school
she's not in bed, i think i finally broke her
i bring home everything i want, nothing that she needs
i thought she'd be there holding daisies, she always waits for me
she thinks she missed the train to mars, she's out back counting stars
i found her out back sitting naked looking up and looking dead
a crumpled yellow piece of paper, seven nines and tens
i thought she'd be there holding daisies, she always waits for me
she thinks she missed the train to mars, she's out back counting stars
i thought you'd be there holding daisies, you always wait for me
she thinks she missed the train to mars, she's out back counting stars

The lovely and beautiful Rachael sent me an exciting recipe for a banana and tofu pudding that I am preparing to try. In the mean time, some of the people on my friends list may also enjoy this recipe. Apparently she pulled the recipe from the interwebs. :)

Ingredients:
- * 1 pack of low fat firm mu nori tofu
- * 2 small bananas, very ripe
- * 3/4 cup of non fat soy milk
- * 1/2 tsp of stevia
- *1 tsp of carob powder

Put all ingredients in food processor and pulse until creamy. Spoon into 4 serving dishes and refrigerate for 2 hours. Serve cold.


Sounds really easy and super delish! Can't wait to try it. Have to pick up more tofu today.

Have been working to get the ball rolling on divorce papers today. Have online versions of all the forms I need, and am feeling rather intimidated by the $250-300 filing fee for divorce in Travis Co. Texas. *sigh*. It'll be worth it to move on with my life, but it will take some time for me to get that kind of money together, because things are a bit tight right now as I work to settle down in my new digs.

I am hoping he will grant me an uncontested divorce, but his vindictive side has me thinking he'll fight me for things like furniture, electronics and even money. He yelled at me today because he's rapidly falling into debt and I'm not helping him. No, I can't find a reason to financially support someone who gets kicks from hurting me so badly.

I am so, so tired right now. He has me worn out, stressed out and just sort of falling apart all over the place. Now that Ryan is here, I do not have to see James at all. Ryan can take me to the apartment to get my things when James is at work, and that's quite comforting.

Oh hay, it's snowing a bit in Austin,  TX right now.

I have bad days, like yesterday, where all I want is to be playing DDR or munching "hard and unloving cookies" (From McDonalds) with my best of the best, Janine. But she's 1300 miles away now, because I was stupid and moved away.

I really, really, really miss my best girl. So much so that all I can think about these days is either flying her out here for a visit, or finding a way to go back there for a visit. Just so I can dwell on old times, things I haven't enjoyed in six months.

 

Today is my six month wedding anniversary. We're going to IHop in a few minutes to celebrate, but I'm not feeling very celebratory because we're broke, and I'm depressed, and despite being married to a great man - I feel so, so desperately lonely. :(